Lupus Awareness

Many of you know, and many of you don't know, that over a year ago I was diagnosed with the auto-immune disease, Lupus, and it's a disease that I will live with for the rest of my life. What is Lupus? I don't really think I have ever officially addressed that question. It basically means that my immune system attacks itself. It's not cancer or anything, and it's not contagious. You know when you're sick and your immune system is working really hard and you just feel like crap? You feel achy and tired, and you just want to sleep. That's what a Lupus flare-up feels like for me, but 100 times worse. Ok, maybe not 100 times worse, but definitely worse!! You get tired doing the smallest things, like showering and getting ready. By the time your finished showering, you're ready for a nap. I remember, in the beginning, that pillows felt HEAVY. It was exhausting!!

But Lupus isn't the same for anyone, and it's hard to tell what someone with Lupus is going through just by looking at them. A lot of people with Lupus downplay their symptoms because they don't want people to think they are being lazy or antisocial, and that just makes them feel worse in the end. Everyone with Lupus has different symptoms. Some people are really sensitive to the sun, some have fatigue and joint pain, and some have it way worse off because it starts attacking their vital organs. For those people, it is life-threatening. Luckily, mine hasn't progressed that far.

Things have definitely improved in the year since I was diagnosed, with the medications keeping my worst symptoms at bay for now. I still have my bad days, but I am doing good for the most part! At first I was scared to do anything too crazy, or have too much fun, because I thought it would cause another really painful flare-up, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how much I have been able to do with my life recently. I went to Disneyland for 5 days last month. It was SO fun! We woke up early, spent all day at the park, and then came back late each night! I got pretty tired, and it got worse everyday, but I did not have ANY flare-ups! I couldn't have handled another day though, and I came home and slept A LOT, but thats more than I could say a few months ago! My rheumatologist told me that is a really good sign. I have also been nanny-ing now for 4 weeks. I wake up at 5 am each morning, leave my house at 6 am, and stay until around 6 pm at night. I'll admit that the first week I woke up crying a couple of times because I was so tired, but it's gotten a lot better! I'm also excited to start school at Weber State in 2 weeks! I just feel like I am getting my life back on track! I know I will still have my bad days, but I don't think it will ever be as bad as it was in the beginning, thanks to my medications!

I actually didn't really write this post to catch everybody up on my life, although it may seem that way. Currently there is no cure for Lupus, but hopefully one day people will not have to rely on medications to feel even remotely normal, or have a life-threatening disease that has no cure. It affects a lot more people than you even know. I didn't even know anything about it until I was diagnosed! Now I know of multiple people who also have Lupus. This blog is read by many of my family and friends, which is why I decided to write this here. On May 2, there is a Walk To End Lupus. It is to help raise money to find a cure for Lupus. It's no ice bucket challenge or anything, but it would mean a lot to me, and many others, if you would donate for the cause, or at least educate yourself about autoimmune illnesses.

My mom has very nicely created a donation page for us. The link is here: https://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/MelissaLytle/WELN2015

I would be so grateful if you would donate! Thanks!

Age is Just a Number

As many of you probably don't know, I'll be turning 21 later this month. I think back to when I was younger, and I always thought that my 21st birthday would be this big moment for me. I would be an official drinking, driving, gambling adult. Good thing I don't drink or gamble. Well... I can drive! Oh wait...been doing that for years. I actually don't know why I thought turning 21 would even be cool, haha.

The point is, I always thought that at each big landmark I would feel so much bigger, more mature and responsible, and that hasn't been the case....for any of them.

My parents DID throw me a cool 16th birthday getaway in Park City with two of my BFF's, and then I got an awesome surprise party from my friends, so that was pretty cool! I didn't FEEL any different though. I didn't start dating right away, and I procrastinated getting my license for a few months, so it was just like being 15.

When I turned 18, I became an official adult, but I didn't feel any more responsible than the day before when I was 17. I wasn't ready to move out right away and live life on my own. Yea I went to Idaho for school for a few months at a time, but I still felt like a teenager.

I am now turning 21. I live at home. I am not currently in school. I pretty much touch on this subject every time I post something on here, so I promise this is the last you will hear of my lame life. My point is....age is just a number!

We spend most of our lives wishing it away! Don't just assume your life will get better when you can drive, when you can date, when you move out, when you are an "adult". The only time your life will change is when YOU change. When you work hard and achieve things that way.

Don't wish your life away....live in the moment. Work hard. Do what you love, and you will always be happy. You won't have to wait for those milestones in your life to try and feel like you are more of something that you haven't worked hard to be.

Pizazz.

I decided I needed to put some more pictures up on here because it's starting to look really....wordy, and it's bumming me out. Seriously. It needed some pizazz. 

I don't get out a TON, but when I do... I go here. You would never guess that these beauties were taken on a walking path right behind Lagoon. It's like out of a storybook. The trees are so green, and it feels like you are walking through a tunnel, or like some magical forest or something.

Recently someone has started hanging up little bird houses everywhere! Last year it was gnomes. Anyway, they are cute!!

 Some of the trees fell across the stream, and it looked like a bridge. 

I just thought I would share my little piece of heaven with you. So, If you haven't gone here, I suggest you go while it's still green!! I guess it will be beautiful in the fall as well! It's so calm. You hardly run into anybody while walking, and it's good for taking family pictures (my family always do ours here). 

The Hills are Alive

Life is good. The sun is shining. The birds are singing...oh and I'M singing too! Lately, my life has been filled with lots of MUSIC. I thought my vocal chords were getting rusty, so I decided to get into voice lessons. Let me just tell you...it's made a BIG difference in my life.

I wanted to apologize. I have been quite vulnerable in my past few posts. I look back, and they all consist of me complaining about my sad life. Haha. Sorry about that!! It's OKAY to be sad sometimes, but don't let it linger very long. I guess that's something you can learn from my mistakes!

This post is going to be short and sweet. I just want to leave you with a little mantra I've been telling myself lately. I got it from a crazy talented woman named, Sierra Boggess. She is a broadway power-house, and one positive lady!

She always says, "You are enough. You are SO enough. It is unbelievable how enough you are." 

Take that, and roll with it. Say it to yourself every morning. Whatever is going on in your life, whatever struggles you are facing, whatever you are up against. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I have more where that came from, but we'll save those for another time. What is your favorite motivational quote/ mantra?

Lastly, I wanted to leave you with some music. I haven't done this in a while, but I have been obsessed with these songs lately! They are happy, but not very upbeat...so keep that in mind. Enjoy :)

CHECK IT OUT

STUFF

I stink at life...I really do. I have no idea what in the HECK I'm doing right now. People ask me what my plans are...I don't have an answer. People ask me what I'm doing right now...no answer. I'm honestly just taking it one day at a time, but to tell you the truth, I want MORE. I have these aspirations and these dreams that are constantly haunting me. It's just hard. It's hard to get back out into society when you have dug yourself into a hole. A hole SO big, that it's scary to climb back out.

Most people who know me now, just see a girl who doesn't really do much. If you would have known me when I was younger, you would have seen a girl who loved to sing, loved to perform, joined any performing group that was available, and had dreams of doing it her whole life. I definitely had my doubts about it, but I knew I loved it and that I wanted to continue to do it. People used to tell me to pursue it, and I didn't even think about it. I KNEW I would. I was in all the choirs, I did the school musicals, and I wasn't too shabby (at least that's what people told me).

When I got into college, I tried out for a talent show. Out of the hundreds that probably tried out, I made it, and I got to perform in front of the entire freshman class. It was so exhilirating!! I also joined a student run choir that SAVED me my first couple of semesters in Idaho. I loved to sing, and it honestly felt so good to be up there singing every week. I felt the spirit so strongly, and I could see the lives of the people I was touching. That's the power of the spirit. I was only in the choir for two semesters, but it was great! After that, I kind of stopped singing. It really brought me down.

Ever since then, I have been in this kind of slum. I watch other people do what I love, instead of actually doing what I love. I play guitar for my family, and my family alone. I watch musicals, but I'm not in them...and that makes me SO sad. My mom makes fun of me, because I have recently began watching disney channel shows again a bit. I know it sounds dumb, but I guess I just admire those young teens who followed their dreams, even if it is a little cheesy (plus, it brings back good memories, haha). I know right now I'm sick, and some days I feel A LOT better than others, but I feel like I need to get out of this slum somehow. I just don't quite know how yet. I am a lot more nervous about doing it now then I ever was before. I guess I just need to start doing the things I love again, because there has always been this big part of me that loved making other people happy.

I didn't really know where this post was going when I started writing, but here it is. I just want you to know that whatever it is that you love,  keep working towards it. Don't let anything discourage you or stop you, because if you do, you'll regret it. You'll look around and see others doing it, and wish it was you. I am not going to give my dreams up, even if I have had a whole years break from them. A year is NOTHING in a lifetime, and I still have time to recover and continue working hard.

Confidence Booster

Life is hard. That's something I've come to know well....and sometimes it doesn't work out AT ALL the way you have planned for yourself. I've also learned that you can't choose how your life will turn out. You can make decisions, but you can't choose the consequences. I never would have imagined my life turning out like it is. I had a whole different plan for myself.

When I was younger, I thought that college would be the best time of my life. I would be living on my own, working towards a job and marriage, and just partying it up with my friends! High school was fun for a bit, but I felt disconnected from almost everyone near the end (except for a few close friends), and I was definitely ready to move on. College WAS fun for a bit, but I learned something about myself. I lacked confidence. I relied on my roommates for a social life. It was hard for me to make my own friends and I never thought I was good enough. I put other people up on pedestals, and was too afraid to stand up for myself.

I am a very closed book, and I rarely show my anger, sadness, or fear to others. I put on a happy face, and love to make people laugh! That is very hard to do all the time with five roommates! I bottled up everything I was feeling inside until I was almost ready to EXPLODE!! I was a people pleaser, which led to being taken advantage of by people I thought were friends. Let's just say college wasn't the greatest experience all around, although I did make some of the greatest memories of my life. It was a struggle, and I didn't understand why all of this was happening to me.

It wasn't until a few months ago that I figured it out. All of these problems lead to one main cause: SELF-CONFIDENCE. I wasn't confident enough in myself, and that is something that I have been working to achieve while I've been home.

This is something I am still working on, and it's something that I need to keep working on. It has been such an underlying problem throughout my life, and I know a lot of people struggle with this issue. Sometimes you see those people who just seem to have EVERYTHING. They have lots of friends, they are succesful, and you just want to BE them. Here is something I have noticed about these people: they don't dwell on what other people think about them, they laugh at their mistakes, they move on, they know what they want, and they GO for it! Everyone has their bad days, these people keep moving and don't dwell on them.

I have some advice for y'all. Be YOU. Be DIFFERENT. Make mistakes... laugh at them. Move on. Have you ever seen someone trip down the stairs? I have concluded that there are two types of people in this world. People who can laugh at themselves, and people who get super embarrassed and can't stand all of the attention. You laugh WITH the person who laughes at themself, and usually AT the person who gets embarrassed. You admire the people who have the confidence to be different and stand out, so don't be afraid to be different and stand out!

I know I need to work on this, too. I have a hard time facing my present circumstances. I'm not going to school, I'm not working, I'm not on a mission, and I'm not getting married. It seems like everyone I know is doing one of these four things. That's only normal, but I have to face my reality. I am sick. I will get better, but first, I need to heal. It is all a matter of time, I STILL HAVE WORTH.

I used to ( and still do) get so embarrassed by stupid little things, but... nobody cares. They really don't. Trust me. Just like you, they are too busy worrying about their own problems!

You may not think you are the prettiest, coolest, smartest, funniest, or most-talented person that you know, but it's all a matter of opinion! If you are confident in yourself, you won't need to be. Not everyone is going to like you, it's the harsh truth, but YOU should love yourself!! Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. The key is to focus on your strengths and not dwell on your weaknesses, because everyone has them.

When you stop caring what other people are thinking about you, you become free.

I know I sound like a motivational speaker, but I know that a lot of people struggle with this! When you have confidence in yourself, other people will see it, and YOU will feel it. You can't expect the world to have confidence in you, if you don't have confidence in yourself!

Social Media....It's A Devious Thing

I haven't posted much in the past few weeks, and here is why. I mostly just sit in my house and watch Netflix while I try not to die of boredom. I have been social ONCE...yes, you heard correctly. ONCE. I went to Divergent with my friend Anna (jolly good show btw). I have been experiencing a lot of fatigue lately, which may account for most of the isolation, and let me tell you, it’s HARD being alone all the time. I feel like I am isolated from the world, and once you’re in, it's A LOT harder to get back out again. I get close to making plans, and then I chicken out! I feel like it's been so long since I have hung out with someone, that I don't know how to be social anymore. Be patient world, I will be out and about in due time. In the meantime, don't get offended if plans don't end up working out. 

I get on Facebook, and I see what my friends are posting,  how many likes their Instagram picture gets, and it definitely doesn't help this emptiness I'm feeling inside....but it made me think. I watched a video recently about how Facebook is ruining our ability to make friends because it connects us with TOO many people and allows us to project a perfected version of ourselves to the world. You can control, edit, and manipulate what is posted on social media...and it isn't real. You can pose fifty different times and use the harshest filters on your profile picture, or spend hours re-editing posts. I hardly ever post anything anymore, because I just don't have anything witty or exciting enough to post. I have debated deleting my Facebook account, but have stopped myself out of fear that I will lose contact with society...permanently. The majority of my friends are serving missions, and Facebook is a good way to keep in touch with them to know when they are coming home! 

To be truthfully honest, social media makes me upset most of the time. People post things that I don’t agree with, or argue about issues that I feel strongly about, and I get really angry just reading it. I usually don’t reply (I can be rude when angry), and when I do, it leads nowhere good. The few times I have voiced my opinion online have caused me trouble. That’s another problem with social media. People are braver. I would never go up to someone and argue vocally about these issues (unless provoked), but I am more confident using social media.

Here’s the thing. I haven’t been very good at this recently, but a few weeks ago I took a little break from social media. I decided to spend my time doing other things, and you know what happened? I read books. I read my scriptures. I was semi-productive!! I started reading Shakespeare. I actually enjoyed it and UNDERSTOOD it. I have gone downhill since then, but this helped me to realize the affect that social media has over me. I was looking at everyone else’s lives and feeling sorry for myself….when really I am only seeing what they wanted me to see, and that’s not real. Life is boring sometimes. Life is hard. It’s OK.

I watched an interview recently where someone said that the people who are constantly “Tweet-ing”, “Instagram-ming”, or “Facebook-ing” how great their life is, are most likely lying, because they have enough time to sit and post about it. They are probably the ones in the corner watching everyone else have fun. Just think about that for a minute.