I stink at life...I really do. I have no idea what in the HECK I'm doing right now. People ask me what my plans are...I don't have an answer. People ask me what I'm doing right now...no answer. I'm honestly just taking it one day at a time, but to tell you the truth, I want MORE. I have these aspirations and these dreams that are constantly haunting me. It's just hard. It's hard to get back out into society when you have dug yourself into a hole. A hole SO big, that it's scary to climb back out.
Most people who know me now, just see a girl who doesn't really do much. If you would have known me when I was younger, you would have seen a girl who loved to sing, loved to perform, joined any performing group that was available, and had dreams of doing it her whole life. I definitely had my doubts about it, but I knew I loved it and that I wanted to continue to do it. People used to tell me to pursue it, and I didn't even think about it. I KNEW I would. I was in all the choirs, I did the school musicals, and I wasn't too shabby (at least that's what people told me).
When I got into college, I tried out for a talent show. Out of the hundreds that probably tried out, I made it, and I got to perform in front of the entire freshman class. It was so exhilirating!! I also joined a student run choir that SAVED me my first couple of semesters in Idaho. I loved to sing, and it honestly felt so good to be up there singing every week. I felt the spirit so strongly, and I could see the lives of the people I was touching. That's the power of the spirit. I was only in the choir for two semesters, but it was great! After that, I kind of stopped singing. It really brought me down.
Ever since then, I have been in this kind of slum. I watch other people do what I love, instead of actually doing what I love. I play guitar for my family, and my family alone. I watch musicals, but I'm not in them...and that makes me SO sad. My mom makes fun of me, because I have recently began watching disney channel shows again a bit. I know it sounds dumb, but I guess I just admire those young teens who followed their dreams, even if it is a little cheesy (plus, it brings back good memories, haha). I know right now I'm sick, and some days I feel A LOT better than others, but I feel like I need to get out of this slum somehow. I just don't quite know how yet. I am a lot more nervous about doing it now then I ever was before. I guess I just need to start doing the things I love again, because there has always been this big part of me that loved making other people happy.
I didn't really know where this post was going when I started writing, but here it is. I just want you to know that whatever it is that you love, keep working towards it. Don't let anything discourage you or stop you, because if you do, you'll regret it. You'll look around and see others doing it, and wish it was you. I am not going to give my dreams up, even if I have had a whole years break from them. A year is NOTHING in a lifetime, and I still have time to recover and continue working hard.
