The Hills are Alive

Life is good. The sun is shining. The birds are singing...oh and I'M singing too! Lately, my life has been filled with lots of MUSIC. I thought my vocal chords were getting rusty, so I decided to get into voice lessons. Let me just tell you...it's made a BIG difference in my life.

I wanted to apologize. I have been quite vulnerable in my past few posts. I look back, and they all consist of me complaining about my sad life. Haha. Sorry about that!! It's OKAY to be sad sometimes, but don't let it linger very long. I guess that's something you can learn from my mistakes!

This post is going to be short and sweet. I just want to leave you with a little mantra I've been telling myself lately. I got it from a crazy talented woman named, Sierra Boggess. She is a broadway power-house, and one positive lady!

She always says, "You are enough. You are SO enough. It is unbelievable how enough you are." 

Take that, and roll with it. Say it to yourself every morning. Whatever is going on in your life, whatever struggles you are facing, whatever you are up against. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I have more where that came from, but we'll save those for another time. What is your favorite motivational quote/ mantra?

Lastly, I wanted to leave you with some music. I haven't done this in a while, but I have been obsessed with these songs lately! They are happy, but not very upbeat...so keep that in mind. Enjoy :)

CHECK IT OUT

STUFF

I stink at life...I really do. I have no idea what in the HECK I'm doing right now. People ask me what my plans are...I don't have an answer. People ask me what I'm doing right now...no answer. I'm honestly just taking it one day at a time, but to tell you the truth, I want MORE. I have these aspirations and these dreams that are constantly haunting me. It's just hard. It's hard to get back out into society when you have dug yourself into a hole. A hole SO big, that it's scary to climb back out.

Most people who know me now, just see a girl who doesn't really do much. If you would have known me when I was younger, you would have seen a girl who loved to sing, loved to perform, joined any performing group that was available, and had dreams of doing it her whole life. I definitely had my doubts about it, but I knew I loved it and that I wanted to continue to do it. People used to tell me to pursue it, and I didn't even think about it. I KNEW I would. I was in all the choirs, I did the school musicals, and I wasn't too shabby (at least that's what people told me).

When I got into college, I tried out for a talent show. Out of the hundreds that probably tried out, I made it, and I got to perform in front of the entire freshman class. It was so exhilirating!! I also joined a student run choir that SAVED me my first couple of semesters in Idaho. I loved to sing, and it honestly felt so good to be up there singing every week. I felt the spirit so strongly, and I could see the lives of the people I was touching. That's the power of the spirit. I was only in the choir for two semesters, but it was great! After that, I kind of stopped singing. It really brought me down.

Ever since then, I have been in this kind of slum. I watch other people do what I love, instead of actually doing what I love. I play guitar for my family, and my family alone. I watch musicals, but I'm not in them...and that makes me SO sad. My mom makes fun of me, because I have recently began watching disney channel shows again a bit. I know it sounds dumb, but I guess I just admire those young teens who followed their dreams, even if it is a little cheesy (plus, it brings back good memories, haha). I know right now I'm sick, and some days I feel A LOT better than others, but I feel like I need to get out of this slum somehow. I just don't quite know how yet. I am a lot more nervous about doing it now then I ever was before. I guess I just need to start doing the things I love again, because there has always been this big part of me that loved making other people happy.

I didn't really know where this post was going when I started writing, but here it is. I just want you to know that whatever it is that you love,  keep working towards it. Don't let anything discourage you or stop you, because if you do, you'll regret it. You'll look around and see others doing it, and wish it was you. I am not going to give my dreams up, even if I have had a whole years break from them. A year is NOTHING in a lifetime, and I still have time to recover and continue working hard.

Confidence Booster

Life is hard. That's something I've come to know well....and sometimes it doesn't work out AT ALL the way you have planned for yourself. I've also learned that you can't choose how your life will turn out. You can make decisions, but you can't choose the consequences. I never would have imagined my life turning out like it is. I had a whole different plan for myself.

When I was younger, I thought that college would be the best time of my life. I would be living on my own, working towards a job and marriage, and just partying it up with my friends! High school was fun for a bit, but I felt disconnected from almost everyone near the end (except for a few close friends), and I was definitely ready to move on. College WAS fun for a bit, but I learned something about myself. I lacked confidence. I relied on my roommates for a social life. It was hard for me to make my own friends and I never thought I was good enough. I put other people up on pedestals, and was too afraid to stand up for myself.

I am a very closed book, and I rarely show my anger, sadness, or fear to others. I put on a happy face, and love to make people laugh! That is very hard to do all the time with five roommates! I bottled up everything I was feeling inside until I was almost ready to EXPLODE!! I was a people pleaser, which led to being taken advantage of by people I thought were friends. Let's just say college wasn't the greatest experience all around, although I did make some of the greatest memories of my life. It was a struggle, and I didn't understand why all of this was happening to me.

It wasn't until a few months ago that I figured it out. All of these problems lead to one main cause: SELF-CONFIDENCE. I wasn't confident enough in myself, and that is something that I have been working to achieve while I've been home.

This is something I am still working on, and it's something that I need to keep working on. It has been such an underlying problem throughout my life, and I know a lot of people struggle with this issue. Sometimes you see those people who just seem to have EVERYTHING. They have lots of friends, they are succesful, and you just want to BE them. Here is something I have noticed about these people: they don't dwell on what other people think about them, they laugh at their mistakes, they move on, they know what they want, and they GO for it! Everyone has their bad days, these people keep moving and don't dwell on them.

I have some advice for y'all. Be YOU. Be DIFFERENT. Make mistakes... laugh at them. Move on. Have you ever seen someone trip down the stairs? I have concluded that there are two types of people in this world. People who can laugh at themselves, and people who get super embarrassed and can't stand all of the attention. You laugh WITH the person who laughes at themself, and usually AT the person who gets embarrassed. You admire the people who have the confidence to be different and stand out, so don't be afraid to be different and stand out!

I know I need to work on this, too. I have a hard time facing my present circumstances. I'm not going to school, I'm not working, I'm not on a mission, and I'm not getting married. It seems like everyone I know is doing one of these four things. That's only normal, but I have to face my reality. I am sick. I will get better, but first, I need to heal. It is all a matter of time, I STILL HAVE WORTH.

I used to ( and still do) get so embarrassed by stupid little things, but... nobody cares. They really don't. Trust me. Just like you, they are too busy worrying about their own problems!

You may not think you are the prettiest, coolest, smartest, funniest, or most-talented person that you know, but it's all a matter of opinion! If you are confident in yourself, you won't need to be. Not everyone is going to like you, it's the harsh truth, but YOU should love yourself!! Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. The key is to focus on your strengths and not dwell on your weaknesses, because everyone has them.

When you stop caring what other people are thinking about you, you become free.

I know I sound like a motivational speaker, but I know that a lot of people struggle with this! When you have confidence in yourself, other people will see it, and YOU will feel it. You can't expect the world to have confidence in you, if you don't have confidence in yourself!

Social Media....It's A Devious Thing

I haven't posted much in the past few weeks, and here is why. I mostly just sit in my house and watch Netflix while I try not to die of boredom. I have been social ONCE...yes, you heard correctly. ONCE. I went to Divergent with my friend Anna (jolly good show btw). I have been experiencing a lot of fatigue lately, which may account for most of the isolation, and let me tell you, it’s HARD being alone all the time. I feel like I am isolated from the world, and once you’re in, it's A LOT harder to get back out again. I get close to making plans, and then I chicken out! I feel like it's been so long since I have hung out with someone, that I don't know how to be social anymore. Be patient world, I will be out and about in due time. In the meantime, don't get offended if plans don't end up working out. 

I get on Facebook, and I see what my friends are posting,  how many likes their Instagram picture gets, and it definitely doesn't help this emptiness I'm feeling inside....but it made me think. I watched a video recently about how Facebook is ruining our ability to make friends because it connects us with TOO many people and allows us to project a perfected version of ourselves to the world. You can control, edit, and manipulate what is posted on social media...and it isn't real. You can pose fifty different times and use the harshest filters on your profile picture, or spend hours re-editing posts. I hardly ever post anything anymore, because I just don't have anything witty or exciting enough to post. I have debated deleting my Facebook account, but have stopped myself out of fear that I will lose contact with society...permanently. The majority of my friends are serving missions, and Facebook is a good way to keep in touch with them to know when they are coming home! 

To be truthfully honest, social media makes me upset most of the time. People post things that I don’t agree with, or argue about issues that I feel strongly about, and I get really angry just reading it. I usually don’t reply (I can be rude when angry), and when I do, it leads nowhere good. The few times I have voiced my opinion online have caused me trouble. That’s another problem with social media. People are braver. I would never go up to someone and argue vocally about these issues (unless provoked), but I am more confident using social media.

Here’s the thing. I haven’t been very good at this recently, but a few weeks ago I took a little break from social media. I decided to spend my time doing other things, and you know what happened? I read books. I read my scriptures. I was semi-productive!! I started reading Shakespeare. I actually enjoyed it and UNDERSTOOD it. I have gone downhill since then, but this helped me to realize the affect that social media has over me. I was looking at everyone else’s lives and feeling sorry for myself….when really I am only seeing what they wanted me to see, and that’s not real. Life is boring sometimes. Life is hard. It’s OK.

I watched an interview recently where someone said that the people who are constantly “Tweet-ing”, “Instagram-ming”, or “Facebook-ing” how great their life is, are most likely lying, because they have enough time to sit and post about it. They are probably the ones in the corner watching everyone else have fun. Just think about that for a minute. 

5 Tips For A Better YOU

This week has been one of slow progress...but still progress. I have come to realize some things lately that have helped me to become more succesful in my goals. I wanted to share them with you.

1. DE-CLUTTER YOUR LIFE. Seriously....get rid of all of that extra baggage, literally AND figuratively. This entire week I have been packing up and getting rid of things I don't need.  Most of the reason we keep things from our past is because we want to be sentimental. Honestly....you don't need it, just take a picture! Give yourself room to start fresh. The same works for people. The past is the past...move on. Save room in your life for the people who truly matter, and stop worrying about those who don't. Wish them well, and go along your way.

2. HAVE THE RIGHT MOTIVATION. What is the reason for this sudden need for change? If its for someone else...stop. People are going to dislike you, and you are just going to have to deal with that. Is it to impress other people? That's not important either. I feel like the key to a confident person is someone who loves themself, and doesn't care what other people think. Do whatever will make YOU happy and confident. If not,  you'll spend the rest of your life trying to be what you THINK everyone else wants you to be.

3. START NOW. None of this "I'm gonna start on Monday" crap! Seriously. The sooner you start, the sooner you can reach your goal.

4. STICK WITH IT. I know it's hard, but you just need three weeks (at least I heard) to make something into a habit. Force yourself for three weeks, and then it won't be so bad. If you need to, start SLOWLY. Don't set unreasonable goals for yourself. I have made this mistake SO many times I can't even count. You just get overwhelmed so fast and that's why you quit. Don't overwhelm yourself...or you will get burned out.

5. DON'T RELY ON OTHER PEOPLE. I know it's nice to have a support system, but it really comes down to one person....you. Yes, it is nice to have people with similar goals to help you along the way, but sometimes people can bring you down. You can still have a support system, but make sure you aren't relying on them too much! I hate to say this, but...unless it's your parents, their main concern is for their own well-being. You're responsible to keep yourself on track!

So, there you have it. I have been thinking about these things a lot this week, and it has really helped me! I hope it motivates you to achieve your goals!

Update: I have succesfully finished the first five days of the BOM challenge. 1 Nephi is DANG GOOD so far....just sayin'. If you haven't started it, you should! It isn't too bad, only about 2-3 chapters every day.

Here is the link: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/447193437970077286/

My Thoughts On A Sunday

I wasn't feeling too great this morning when I woke up (at 4 am. BOO.), so I decided to stay home from church. I had a busy day yesterday and it wore me out, but today I am taking the opportunity today to share my gratitude.

This week was kind of a downer, but I decided to take all of the time I had and email some of my friends who are serving missions. It helps me not feel so lonely, I guess.

A few weeks ago, I emailed a friend from high school who is on her mission. She helped me a lot through a hard time. She was such an example to me, and was there for me at a time when I felt like no one else was. I just thanked her for being my friend! She emailed me back and gave me some of the best advice that I could have received at that time. I hadn't told her about my current struggles, but she suggested I read Mountains to Climb, a talk by Elder Eyring. If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you do.

He talks about how each trial we face in our life is to shape us into the person we need to become. It can either strengthen our faith, or destroy it. I have come to find that true in my life. I'm not saying that I have the hardest life, or that I won't go through any other hard trials, but I feel like I have had more time to realize what is truly important in my life, and grow. I realize the importance of spiritual growth in my own life.

These are a few of my favorite quotes from the talk:

"...the ground must be carefully prepared for our foundation of faith to withstand the storms that will come into every life. That solid basis for a foundation of faith is personal integrity."

"Now, I wish to encourage those who are in the midst of hard trials, who feel their faith may be fading under the onslaught of troubles. Trouble itself can be your way to strengthen and finally gain unshakable faith. "

I know that there is a plan for each of us, and tests and trials are given to us so that we will grow and become more like Him. I have come to realize the importance of sharing the gospel, and being an example. I am learning the importance of friendship and service, and know it can be used as a tool to help further Heavenly Fathers work. I know that we can use the atonement to always strive and become better, more loving, and compassionate. I know that if you pray, you will feel of His love for you. I know that He loves ALL of His children. Every. Single. One. We should strive to love them as well. We should strive to forgive everyone who has wronged us, because He will always forgive us. I know it is hard, but it is possible. 

These are all things that I am working on...and I have a long way to go. I am grateful for this trial in my life. I know it will help me to become a better person. 

I saw this video on Facebook. It is a bullying video that is going around. I thought it was a good reminder to always be considerate of others. You've probably already seen it, but here it is anyway: 

http://www.heraldextra.com/news/local/central/provo/lds-anti-bullying-video-going-viral/article_9e91f1e3-8c43-590f-bfb3-cdaf3886642c.html

I challenge you to reach out to someone who is struggling, or pray to know who is struggling. Everyone is fighting a hard battle of their own. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our own lives, and our own struggles, that we forget that others are having hard times too. 

Also, I am starting a 90-day Book of Mormon reading challenge. I know I could probably do it in less time, but I chose 90 days instead. I am starting Monday, and I found this schedule on Pinterest. If you would like to join me, feel free! We can work on becoming better, together!!

BLAH....:(

Well this week has been....blah. There is no better way to describe how I feel. I have had zero energy for the past three days. Yesterday I literally sat in my bed most of the day, except for when I made lunch at 2 pm. I had a burst of energy and had a little surprise dance party in my kitchen while making gluten free turkey wraps!

I am going to Rexburg tomorrow to pack up my stuff, so I was planning on organizing my room today a little more to make room for all of my crap. Well THAT didn't happen....I woke up with a sore throat, runny nose, and NO energy. I am getting a little worn down from all of this fatigue....not gonna lie.

When I went into the doctor last week about my lung infection, he found quite a bit of fluid in my right lung. Great. He said there was enough to remove it, but he wouldn't unless he had to (like if it got infected), and put me on extra PREDNIZONE. If you don't know what that is, you're lucky. It's every woman's worst nightmare. When I first got diagnosed with lupus, it manifested itself through arthritis pains on my entire body. My hands always looked lovely, swollen, and I couldn't straighten my right ring finger for like two weeks. It hurt, and the glorified "aleve" he gave me wasn't cutting it, so he put me on Prednizone. If you don't know what that is, it's a steroid. And although it makes you feel great, there are a lot of downsides. For one, you are ALWAYS hungry. I also get pretty strong cravings...usually for crap, and my face gets swollen. So that's fun...I can't wait to get off of it.

I am running out of indoor activities to satisfy my boredom. I never feel like putting pants on, so I have to think of things to do indoors instead, haha! Today, I took a relaxing bath and listened to some Adele. I just rediscovered her first album. It's pretty groovin'.

 My favorite songs are -Right As Rain, and Chasing Pavements. 

My puppy likes to keep me company.

I have been listening to a lot of Mindy Gledhill lately as well. I don't listen to "bubblegum" indie pop THAT often, but I needed a bit of brightness in my life. And like her album says, she "leave(s) you floating like a scoop of vanilla cream in a strawberry soda." Who doesn't want to feel like THAT? CRAAZY people! I definitely needed it. Thanks Mindy. 

My favorite songs are: All The Pennies, I Do Adore, Pocketful of Poetry.....oh heck, ALL OF THEM!

Music tends to really affect my mood-what are your favorite happy songs?? I need some new suggestions!

Also, if anyone has any fun indoor activities that they enjoy, let me know. I'm getting kinda desperate lately. 

Well, I'm gonna go...I'm hungry again. Crap. I should probably have a salad.