Well....I'm back, and I've come to realize something; I am
very bad at keeping goals. I have had this blog for quite a few years and I
always think that writing in it will become a regular thing for me, but yet I
make up some excuse not to. These excuses usually sound a bit like this:
"My life is too boring, I have nothing to write about!", "I
don't have time for this!", or “I am not good at writing”! While these
things may be true, I feel like I need to overcome some of the obstacles in my
life and stick to some of the goals that I have set for myself over the years.
I really am not a very good writer (I have gotten better
over the years, but I still feel very inadequate in this department). I think
what I lack is inspiration. To me, inspiration comes from the desire to know
and sincere thought. I don't think that I spend much of my time pondering, in
fact, that is one of the MANY flaws I need to work on. I usually spend most of
my time on Pinterest or listening to music, not that either of those things are
necessarily bad, but I think there needs to be moderation in all aspects of
your life.
I have been pondering lately (Yea I know...weird, right?),
and I have noticed a high dream to action ratio in my life: meaning that I have
large dreams and a small desire to do what is necessary in my life to reach
them. I want to be a better Christ-like example to others , I need more
humility, I want to grow in my talent of music (specifically sight reading and
guitar playing), I want to improve my performing and acting abilities, and I
want to become more productive and hardworking. I think I have pretty much
always wanted these things, but always quit while I'm ahead in working to reach
them.
I am currently sitting in a room that is an absolute
DISASTER, because I haven't taken the time to clean out and choose what things
need to go and which things can stay after I had to move all of my stuff back
from college. I feel so chaotic sitting here in my bed that is covered in
clothes, and that I never take the time to make. I need to clean it! I need to
get a job! I need to do so many things in my life that it almost seems too
overwhelming to handle! I have made a bucket-list of things that I want to do
this summer, and among those things: I have a list of books I want to read, and
I have made it a goal to become a healthier person! This all just seems such a
heavy load of things, but I have made it a goal this summer to strive to become
a better me, and like the title says, "The beginning is always
today."
In FHE last night we talked about being worthy of the Holy
Ghost, and as individuals we made goals that would allow the spirit to be a
constant companion in our lives. My goals were regular night and morning
prayer, daily scripture study, and a healthier sleep schedule. I have never
been good about regular prayer and scripture study in my life. I go through
periods where I am pretty regular about reading my scriptures, but then I also
go through times when it is almost non-existent in my life. I have NEVER been
good about daily personal prayer...and that is something I have always been
ashamed of. I have been pretty OK with nightly prayers, but I am horrible at
morning prayers! This leads to my third personal goal: a healthier sleep
schedule. I think that this would be a great help to me in many aspects of my
life. I stay up very late at night, and for no sensible reason. I stay up on
Pinterest, or watch T.V., or I watch a Netflix movie; and I do these things
until 1 or 2 am when I could be using that time to do something productive,
like say my nightly prayers. Then I
wouldn't be too tired in the morning to read my scriptures and say my morning
prayers! Overall, I think the achievement of these goals in my life would help
me to reach all of the goals I have set for myself, including the ones that I
listed above.
I feel like this post is just a bunch of word vomit that I
needed to get out all at once, but I am just so desperate to make these changes
in my life that I am laying down the law RIGHT NOW. I am going to work on all
of these things, but to make it less overwhelming, I will do it one step at a
time; starting with prayer and scripture study. Tonight, before I go to bed, I
will say my nightly prayers. My family wakes up at 7 am to read scriptures
together, so I will have to do personal prayer and scripture study starting at
6:30 (this will not be easy for me...I am NOT a morning person), and then I
will read with my family, go to the gym, get ready, and go job hunting. I have
anxiety about job applications and getting jobs. Don't ask me why, but it just
all really freaks me out! I know you are thinking, "Why is she telling me
this?". This is why: because I know if I tell it to someone else, I am
going to be more motivated to do it because I am afraid of letting people down!
I am a people pleaser; it’s in my nature :).
I would encourage each one of you to strive to become the
best people that you can be. The foundation of becoming a better person is
having a foundation built on Christ. He should be our ultimate goal, and when
He is, everything else will fall into place. I challenge you to put Him first
in your life. I know that I am always the happiest when I do, which is why I am
striving so hard to achieve that foundation. I know I will become less stressed
when I realize that He is there to help me reach my goals every step of the
way. The hard things in life may not go away, but they will be easier to
handle.
