Looking Forward to Better Days

I don't know what brought this upon me, but lately I have been longing for warmer weather. Maybe it's the fact that it is starting to warm up a little and the snow is melting, but it's definitely not warm and it's CRAZY windy. I watched the movie Soul Surfer with my roommates yesterday, and I have been thinking a lot about the summer...and Oregon. When we went to Oregon as a family, this past summer, I made it a goal to someday live there, and be a beach bum. Great goal, right? I agree. I just keep remembering how beautiful it is there, and how good I felt the whole time. I honestly just never wanted to leave. I could definitely see myself setting up a cute shop there and raising my family. I even researched how hard it would be to go to church. The closest ward is an hour away in Portland, but that wouldn't be too long of a drive on Sundays! As you can probably tell, I put a LOT of thought into this. I guess it gives me hope to know that I will probably feel better by the time I get out of school, and I will be able to focus on myself, and being the best me I can be, inside AND out. I can focus on my health and try to make good spiritual goals for myself as well. I am focusing on my future.

I have all of these things that I want to accomplish when I get home. I don't want my lupus to make me feel like I can't accomplish the goals that I have set for myself. I still want to spend a lot of time outside, and keep myself as active as possible. Even if I just do small things, I need to keep myself moving. I want to read, write music, go camping, kayaking, paddle-boarding, hiking, and lots of other things. Hopefully I will feel good enough.

Along with the goals that I have for myself, I also want to use this disease to help others. I don't know why I have been given this trial in my life, but I know a lot of really good people who have been given much harder trials. I don't want to play the victim card. I don't want to use this as an excuse to become lazy and antisocial (that is how I feel right now). I read Stephanie Nielsen's blog NieNie Dialogues, and she really is such an inspiration to me of how trials can't stop you. She was in a plane crash and severely burned her entire body. This happened many years ago, and yet she is still recovering. She blogs about religion, family, and just life in general-and it gives me hope. She is such an amazing mother, teacher, role-model, and she doesn't let her afflictions hold her back. (go check her out!)

                                               

 I am really struggling here at school right now. I feel like a loser, because all of my roommates have all of these friends, and boyfriends, and all I can think about is going home. I know there is a day when I will feel better, but I will just have to be patient and live more in the moment. I feel like I am living so in the future at the moment, that I forget to live! I don't want that to happen!

This post is kind of throw up (sorry!), but I feel like I need to remind myself of these things and not let myself get discouraged. I have been feeling very discouraged these past couple of months, and I need to focus on being happy in my trials instead of just waiting for everything to get better in order to feel happy.

I hope that this summer I can be able to improve myself, improve others, and do the things I need to in order to become truly happy! That is my hope, but for now I will just keep moving forward and living the best that I can!